The Holy Grail of Porn

I'm going to take this time to discuss me some porn idealism. Now, that may cause a lot of crazy scenarios running through your head. Just calm down, Skippy. Lemme learn ya somethin'. I don't want to dirty such a graceful phrase as "porn idealism" with complicated visions of large black men wearing monkey masks plowing a pregnant teenager while retarded lesbian midgets attack her with fluorescent dildos. I'm talking about a more basic kind of beauty. I'm talking about the good ol' down-to-earth no-nonsense hermaphrodite-on-hermaphrodite sex. Nothing makes you wanna embrace the American dream as much as some hermy-hermy action.

Now, when you first think of a hermaphrodite, you may get a LITTLE squeemish. Don't worry about it. That's how your body knows that something's awesome. I know, you MAY find it hard to believe that there's a hermy out there for you. However, I can verify that not only is there a HOT hermy out there, but apparently there were TWO of them, and somehow some genius (who should probably be working for NASA) got both of these sexy hermies together and filmed them in what can only be described as a stunning tribute to sexuality. Bette Midler's "The Rose" should've been playing in the background of this movie.

Just imagine you see two hot blondes on a bed with 80's hair... They start touching each other softly, breathing and tasting one another's sensuality... Next thing you know, they both have both and you're looking at what can only be logically described as a hermy-pretzel... Cue-ing the background music...

♫ Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed ♫

Then, suddenly, you're bearing witness to the legendary scissor-buttfuck combo... and the music gets louder...

♫ Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed ♫

Can't you just FEEL the passion?

Just remember, kids: There's nothing inherently gay about hermy-hermy. As the great Stephen Colbert once surmised, "It can only be straight, double-straight or double-gay." So, if you're insecure with your heterosexuality, you might want to be careful of that scissor-buttfuck combo...